𝐖𝐄𝐃, 𝟔.𝟒.𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆: 𝓂𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓎

-ˋˏ hello friends .ˊ-

Recently my boyfriend mentioned that he was talking to his dad about me. His dad said that I shouldn’t care what other people think so much and that I should ask for a higher pay at work. It is not bad advice.

Except, for some reason, his unsolicited advice made me angry. It felt like disapproval of my lifestyle disguised as guidance. In the moment I simply smiled and nodded. I briefly explained my perspective but I held back my tongue, thinking my anger will fade away.

I let myself cool down but as a few days ed, I realized I was still angry—something about it must’ve really struck a chord. And I write best when I’m angry. So let’s talk about it.

I’ve written a blog about happiness before. It’s one of my favorite blogs! Surprisingly, a year later, it all still rings true for me. :open_mouth:

Put briefly, I talk about my humble little life as a cashier: that I don’t make a lot, but I make enough. And the whole post is almost like a gratitude journal entry. I’m grateful for food in my stomach and a roof over my head, friends and family and small meaningful memories.

Personally, I believe God had blessed me with everything I currently have. I don’t say this to brag but I feel so blessed already. I don’t need more. And if it’s in God’s plan to give me a raise, then I will gladly welcome it. But when there is so much to be grateful for already, it feels vain to ask for more.

Lao Tzu writes in The Tao Te Ching, “Know when to stop. Know when reason sets limits to avoid peril.” The ancient stoic Seneca says, “It is not the man who has too little that is poor, but the man who craves more that is poor.”

And in the book Advertising Sh*ts in Your Head, there was a quote that unintentionally taught me a life lesson about desire itself:

❝ 𝘈𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜. ❞

We cannot desire without feeling we lack something. Wow…! This line gave me an epiphany the first time I read it. Let me elaborate.

When I was in group therapy, it was recommended that we start a gratitude journal. There is lots of research that backs up mindfulness, meditation, and gratitude as having a positive impact on people’s mental health.

At that time, there was a lot about my life that I hated. I felt I didn’t really have much to be grateful for. We would go around in a circle and I felt it was cheesy to say basic things like “I’m grateful for another day of life, for food and a home.” In fact I would cringe at the word “gratitude” and I would roll my eyes at the sentence “You just need to be grateful and all your life problems will go away.”

But over time, I came to view gratitude differently. It is less “live laugh love” vibes and something more somber to me. There is a silent acknowledgment that these things can be taken away from me at any moment; I won’t always be able to see my mom’s beautiful smile or hear her joyful laugh, for example. So I cherish it while I can!! :blush: 🫶🏼

I’ve worked so hard to get rid of things in my life that were causing me stress. I’ve worked so hard to let go of beliefs and identities and egos that were keeping me trapped and anxious. I walked away from things. And slowly I rebuilt my life to be a lot more peaceful than the life I had three years ago when I needed group therapy. Things get better. They really do. I wish I could tell my younger self that.

I talk about it a lot but dropping out of college, though it hurt my ego at the time, was one of the best decisions I’ve made. That’s not to say I plan to never go back. But it taught me an important lesson about letting go (ego death) and also the courage to face society’s disapproval. My mental health was not great when I was in college, hundreds of miles away from family. Stressed and anxious with piles of uncompleted assignments. Like I said, I felt there was very little to be grateful for at that time.

Things get better. In fact, things got so much better that I feel like I don’t deserve all that I have. I feel so lucky and blessed and undeserving. And so, I feel grateful. I feel anxious at times that I could lose everything but that only makes me count my blessings more. And even though I feel undeserving at times, I remind myself that the universe is impartial. Happiness is not a zero sum game; my happiness is not taking away from anyone else’s. So I make it a practice to accept all that life gives me and to find contentment and satisfaction in it. It’s okay to be happy; you have permission to let yourself feel happiness.

I prepare for rough times, live humbly, and thoroughly enjoy my things. I remind myself of all things that “spark joy” for me, as Marie Kondo puts it. And not feeling the need for more, I think, helps you to receive blessings into your life with gratitude instead of desperation and desire.

Money cannot buy happiness.

Money cannot buy meaningful memories.

Having 10 skincare products is not going to make your skin ten times better.

But penny-pinching also reveals a stinginess in our spirit and energy. It’s unattractive and not fun to be around. It’s a way of living life that is so serious and heavy.

So it’s okay to spend and be a bit impulsive at times, to be generous when treating your family and friends to boba or iHop, for example. And it’s also okay to live frugally and humbly, not buying lots of clothes or products for yourself.

The wisdom lies in striking that balance.

Know thyself. Do you want something because it genuinely sparks joy for you? Or is it a dopamine-driven desire that is coming from a place of dissatisfaction?

I feel good in knowing I have enough. I don’t need more.

I don’t claim to know everything there is to know about money, but so far these are the lessons I have learned about money and happiness.

The feeling of being misunderstood still bothers me, but the more I think about it, this is another opportunity to practice letting go. To let go of the need to prove myself right and others wrong. This works for me but it would be egotistical to think my perspective is the only valid perspective. I guess I still have a lot to reflect on. 🤔

Today I choose to let go of the need for approval. Let’s all do what works for us and be happy together 🙂‍ :arrow_up_down: :star2:

thank you for reading my blog~!