Perfectionism

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BLOG ARCHIVE

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Hey guys. This blog is going to be a

bit more personal   than what I'm used

to. Hopefully it'll still be useful to some

of you!   I know perfectionism can be a

big problem for students,   particularly

when    blogging   about   our   studies!

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I want to first explain that I've spoken

to a   trained professional about   this.

if you are going through anything that

is impacting your personal life,   please,

seek out professional assistance. We

have a wiki with some Mental Health

Resources        that         may         help.

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Perfectionism   is   defined by Collins

English   dictionary    as    'the demand

for      the      highest      standard      of

excellence'.    This definition is fair, but

one   that   better   describes   what   a

perfectionist      feels     comes     from

Psychology                                   Today;

' Perfectionism is a trait that makes life

an       endless       report      card      on

accomplishments    or    looks.     When

healthy,    it can be self-motivating and

drive you to overcome adversity and

achieve success. When unhealthy, it

can be a fast and enduring track to

unhappiness.

What makes extreme perfectionism so

toxic is that   while   those in its grip

desire success, they are most focused

on   avoiding   failure,    resulting   in   a

negative     orientation.     They     don’t

believe      in       unconditional       love,

expecting     others'      affection     and

approval    to    be    dependant    on   a

flawless                            performance '.

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Paranoia for me   is   often caused by

perfectionist tendencies. I tend to end

up with the impression that everyone

expects me   to   do   something badly,

even if I   know   there is evidence that

they    aren't        thinking       like    that.

One thing I've learned   about this is to

be a bit more transparent with people. I

try and tell people who don't know me

well that they should talk to me about

any issues they have with me as soon

as they can bring themselves to. Yes,

those chats can be tough. But leaving

them just makes them more heated on

both sides. This way, you can work to

fix     your     mistakes      quicker     too!

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I don't hesitate at everything. But there

are a few things   I've found I like to

gently push to one side.   Till I'm forced

to confront them, at least. Phone calls

were a big one for me.    It was only

when I became a student nurse and

had to answer   the phone a lot more

that    I     began      turning    a    corner.

Rob Dial talks about this one tip on his

'Mindset Mentor'   podcast that I find

quite helpful personally. Fire first, then

aim. It sounds counter intuitive at first.

Surely you want to aim before you fire?

But   if   you   were   in   a   high   stress

environment, it'd likely be better for

you to send off a shot first, then fine

tune your second attempt. There's also

simply counting to three. On three, you

must force yourself to do what it is you

are putting off.    It's a good way to get

some      motivation        behind      you.

The more experience you have with a

task you tend to put off, the easier it

should become to get it out of the way.

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Whilst this does overlap a little with my

section on paranoia,   there's another

big   point    I    want    to    make   here.

Perfectionists,       myself        included,

sometimes    equate      love    to    their

performance in the things they deem

important. These people don't tend to

believe      in       unconditional       love.

I'd like to remind these people, and

myself, to try and think about how you

view       other     people      and      their

achievements.   Are you as critical of

them as you are yourself? Does their

behaviour keep you up at night? If it

doesn't,   then you need to

that this is the way people look at you

too.   Humans can be pretty selfish, so

a lot of the time we are too involved in

our   own   worlds   to   even   think   of

something   someone     maybe   could

have done better.    People love you.

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Thank you if   you   read   this whole

thing! It means a lot to me! Look after

yourselves                                         <3

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