After you
Everyone tells me I need to move on
That this is not the end
and I will learn to live with it
Of course....
Of course I will
and I am doing it all
I am doing my best
My best in distracting my thoughts
Not only myself but everything that makes me, me
My brain, my heart, my very soul
Every part of me is bound to you and to you only
I do it all
But recently I feel it slowly breaking
Every crack forming in this thick layer of porcelain
I don't know for much longer it will stay on
How much longer can I pretend
Not every thought to be you
Not every gaze and glance is searching for you
Not every twitch and sudden move is me imagining your scent carried by the soft breeze
Not every touch I imagine to be yours
How long before it shatters
Nothing
Nothing in this life or the next will ever compare to you
Your silky hair
Your gentle eyes
Your soft lips
Your bright smile
Your soothing voice
The warmth that comes from your presence
The calm you emit whenever you speak
How you always stay calm and grounded
How every person you meet gets captivated by you
Including me
Especially me
Every day that es
I wish for you
I pray for you
I beg for you
I am a desperate fool
Unable to move, speak, let alone breathe
When you are not near
Being separated from you is worse than any torture
I'd rather be locked up six feet under the surface
Away from everything on this planet
Away from everything superficial
Away from all that is and could be
Away from everyone
But close to you
I cannot take it
The idea to live another hour, minute, God not even a second without you by my side fills me with so much dread, pain and desperation that breathing, something so easy seems near impossible.
It's as though when you left you took everything that made it possible for me to live with you.
I know I promised them I would keep going for my future
But tell me how could there be a future without you by my side
I just cannot imagine a life unable to share every second of it with you
So I shall do as I promised the first day we met and follow you wherever you might go
The first promise I made was to you, for our future
So if for this once I have to put everyone's misery above mine then so shall be it
No longer will I crack
No longer will I be in pain
No longer will I see you everywhere unable to touch you, hear you, feel you
Soon dear I will be with you forever
Just like I promised
I love you, in this life and every life after
- Tara Rezgar Omar
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